


The Beautiful Night That Changed Their Lives Forever

by AllHallowsEve



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fireworks, First Kiss, Fourth of July, M/M, Sam's first Kiss, So much angst, Weecest, Wincest - Freeform, mentions of John Winchester - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-13 01:03:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11748876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllHallowsEve/pseuds/AllHallowsEve
Summary: July 4, 1996 the night the Winchester boys went out into a field and lit some fireworks.  It was Dean's first memory in heaven for a reason.





	The Beautiful Night That Changed Their Lives Forever

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by one of the most beautiful scenes in all 12 seasons of Supernatural so far, Season 5 Episode 16, Dark Side of the Moon. I woke up from a nap this week and realized I desperately needed to write about it.
> 
> This is unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. If you see any, please let me know so I can fix it and make it better for everyone.

“Dad would never let us do anything like this,” Sam’s bright hazel eyes looked up at Dean, his bangs hanging down into them slightly, making him look even younger, even more innocent than his newly turned 13 years. 

Even at his happiest, Sam’s smile was timid and shy. He looked up quietly at his big brother and said “Thanks, Dean, this is great.” 

The calm tone might have sounded to anyone else as if Sam was just patronizing his brother for his gift of a night of fireworks, but to Dean it meant the world.  He knew every mood Sammy was capable of, from pouty and sullen, to full throated, just this side of blowing milk out of his nose, laughter.

This, here tonight, was one of the happiest times Dean had ever seen Sam.  Dean had to drop his own eyes and not look too long into his brother’s.  He couldn’t risk letting the kid see his impure thoughts.  They didn’t belong here.  This night was supposed to be a gift, an apology, for not getting to do anything special for Sam’s birthday yet again, when it rolled around two months ago. 

As Sam threw his arms around Dean and hugged him tight, it was even harder to hide his want.  The kid would be the death of him. At 17, Dean had shot up to almost six feet tall this spring.  In spite of the hard calisthenics he drilled every day, Sam was on the small side for his age, his head barely came up to Dean’s chest, where his cheek now lay against Dean’s beating heart.  He had to hope Sam would read the anxious harsh beats as excitement over the roman candles they had just set off together, and not the result of the fear and nerves over having his brother in his arms.

Dean had been holding girls this way for a few years now.  He had a goal to make out with at least one girl in each town they drove through.  It wasn’t a game, and he didn’t care about being a lothario for the fun of it.  It was serious business.  One of these days, the girl in his arms would make him forget how much he wished it was his little brother instead.  One of these days his breath would stop catching in his lungs to the point of burning just from the sight of his kid brother busting in the door, of whatever motel they were staying in, with excitement over whatever nerd thing he had learned at school that day.

Every morning he hoped that day would be the day his heart stopped aching over his need for his baby brother.  Every night he cursed himself at the desire that made his boxers tight just from hearing the springs in the next bed bounce from his brother turning over as he tried to get comfortable.

He reluctantly let his brother go as Sam turned and jogged over to the remaining fireworks.  He lit one and ran quickly back to take his place next to Dean in the open field that was their own private park for this special night.  The boy genius must have rigged them somehow when Dean wasn’t looking because they all began to go off, cascading beautifully into the dark sky one after the other.  Dean stared up in awe at the show and then glanced over at Sam.  His face was turned up to the heavens and as the multiple colors flashed brightly across his young face, Dean’s heart lurched painfully.  Sam was gorgeous, and happier than Dean had ever seen.  His smile was so wide it lit up the night, shining more brilliantly than a thousand sparklers.

Sam wanted to be closer to the action so he ran out to the middle of the field, joy writ large across his face as he jumped and danced around with his hands up.  The sparks and embers from the lights above him fell all around making him look for all the world like Robert Redford in The Natural. 

Dean couldn’t remember a sight he wanted to carve into his mind more.  He wanted to hold on to this memory for the rest of his life.  The two of them alone, nothing bogging them down, Sam happy, carefree, and looking at Dean like he encompassed his entire universe. He hated himself for wanting to be that for Sam.

Sam had been his whole world since he was born, but especially since the night John had put him in Dean’s arms and told him to run.  That had solidified it for Dean.  Sam was his everything.  His first thought every morning and his last thought every night.  The angst about those two things hadn’t started until Dean hit puberty.  His brother being his everything had started to worry him.  He knew it wasn’t right, the feelings he was having, but he screwed his mind down tight and determined to never do anything about his bastardized love for his brother. 

That had worked, mostly, until Sam had hit puberty this past year.  Sam’s new erections tenting his pants in the morning had caught Dean’s eyes more than once accidentally.  He tried to laugh it off and tell Sam it was no big deal.  He didn’t want the kid to get a complex about his body changing and growing, and all the pitfalls that came with it.  But it fueled Dean’s already difficult to control desires.  And lately Sam had been asking Dean questions.

Dean should have expected it.  He had been Sam’s go to source of explanations for how the world worked since Sam could form his lips into a sentence.  He had driven John insane, and even further into the bottle, when Sam’s curious brain rattled off whos and whats and whys at all hours of the day and night.  But Dean was forever patient with his little brother.  Laughing at the machine gun quickness of his mind.  Dean had mourned the loss of being the only source of knowledge for the kid once he had learned to read. 

He should have known Sam would have turned to Dean for answers about how to keep his erections from getting out of control when they happened unexpectedly.  Should have known it would have been Dean he turned to when asking about kissing and making out. 

But Dean had been thrown, had panicked the first time, and the fifth time a query of that nature came his way.  Still to this day anytime Sam got that determined, blushing shy, but curious look on his face that meant he had a new sex related question, Dean had to school his face to the “everything is cool, I am an expert with the ladies” bravado mask that he slipped into to hide his genuine, sweat down his back, fear that one day Sam would hear the desire in his voice.  Would see his matching erection in his own pants at whatever Sam was saying or asking.

Sam could never know.  Dean could not, would not, taint his innocent brother with his disgusting savage need.  Cold showers became Dean’s best friend.  But there was no shower out here in this beautiful scene.  His heart was bursting with love for his brother, but as the last of the fireworks died, framing Sam in the dwindling light, his body betrayed him once again. He found himself yearning for Sam in a way no one should ever feel for his own kin.

Before he could make up some excuse to head back to the car and hide his shame, Sam turned his vibrant smile to Dean, freezing him as surely as any deer caught in Baby’s headlights.  “Can we hang out here longer and just look up at the stars, Dean?” 

Truth be told, there was no good reason for him to say no.  John was out of town for several more days.  There was nothing waiting for them back at the dreary motel and Sam knew it. 

Dean’s mind went blank of any logical excuses.

The night was warm and the moon held the clearing around them in a soft glow.  There was a semicircle of trees flanking the field, forming what looked like a barrier to the rest of the world.  It was magical.  Dean knew he should say no.  Knew from his body humming with electricity and desire, he needed to get the kid back to the harsh light and reality of life on the road.

Sam cocked his head and just waited.  His wide eyes searched Dean’s face in expectation of a negative response.  Dean couldn’t form the words to disappoint him.  His brother got so little that he wanted.  Had so few reasons to be genuinely happy with the harsh life of rules and regimen that John set for them.

He couldn’t refuse this.  “Sure Sammy, why not.”

Sam ran at him and threw his arms around him again, knocking the wind out of Dean with the force of it this time.  He let out a surprised “oof” that made them both laugh.

Dean wrapped his arms around Sam’s torso and rested his chin on the top of Sam’s head.  He breathed in the clean scent of motel shampoo mingled with the black powder and burned paper smell that was unique to temporary tent by the side of the road purchased fireworks.

Sam rubbed his face into Dean’s soft black t-shirt.  His smaller frame shivered a little against Dean.  Dean whispered into his silky hair “Are ya cold Sammy?”

Sam swallowed hard before answering, “Maybe a little.”

He didn’t move his body away from Dean’s torso but ran his hands up under their Dad’s old leather jacket that John had let Dean have the previous Christmas.  Dean had thought it was the best present in the world, like a passing of the torch or something.  But Sam had overheard their Dad telling Uncle Bobby that it was because Dean had outgrown three coats the previous year alone and he didn’t even remember it was Christmas until Bobby had called. 

Sam resented his dad for many reasons, but most of all because of how he treated Dean.  He had to let those kinds of thoughts go right now though.  He didn’t want anything to ruin this night. Negativity wouldn’t stick in his mind at this moment even if his life had depended on it, because Dean had let his guard down finally.

He was holding Sam in a way he hadn’t for years now.  Sam had missed the touching and closeness Dean had suddenly taken away from him with no explanation around the time Dean turned 14.  It wasn’t until Sam hit puberty himself and woke up from his first wet dream panting from thoughts of Dean kissing him and touching him, that he realized the possibility of why Dean had stopped the shared physical interactions brothers normally shared.

Sam wasn’t stupid and once he recognized what was going on, he had seen plenty of evidence that his brother wanted him as badly as he did.  Dean desperately tried to hide.  But the longing glances he showed when he thought Sam couldn’t see him, and the almost silent gasps he let out whenever Sam “accidentally” touched different parts of his body in passing, were like neon signs when you knew what to look for.  And boy did Sam look.

He didn’t want to mess this up.  He knew Dean was good.  Wanted to “take care of Sam” the way he always had.  He would never do anything to hurt Sam and knowing Dean’s ability to sacrifice himself for whatever Sam needed meant he would never give in to the desire he had for Sam because it was “wrong” and “bad.”

But they were hunters. Two thirds of everything they did every day would be viewed as bad or wrong by the “normal” population of the world.  John made money through credit card scams and hustling pool, and any other nefarious means he could use to feed and clothe his sons, just to survive and get them another hunt closer to the yellow eyed demon.  None of that was legal or “good” behavior, yet that was their lives.  Hunting and killing monsters was how they lived every day, outside of the norm for society and “good people.”  Why did who they love have to be any different?

Sam wasn’t stupid enough to think it would ever be okay for John to know that his boys loved each other as more than brothers, but that didn’t mean that Sam would ever stop wanting Dean.  And he hoped to anyone that might be listening up above that Dean would never stop wanting him.  He just had to find some way to get Dean to see it that way, to see that this was okay for them.  It might not be acceptable for anyone else, but Sam was sure to the depth of his soul that it was the right thing for them.

So he hugged Dean closer.  Rubbing his hands up under the heavy leather and around to Dean’s back. He snuggled his face against Dean, breathing in deeply the unique smell of warmth and home that he had forever associated with his brother’s scent.

He shuffled forward pressed the entire length of his body against Dean, earning a quiet gasp of surprise when Dean felt the unmistakable hardness of his dick against Dean’s leg.  His brother made a move to pull away but Sam locked his hands together in what his wresting coach last year had called the “Gable Grip” and refused to let go.

Dean made a surprised sound and looked down at Sam.

“Don’t Dean,” Sam’s whisper echoed loudly in the silence ringing in their ears after the death of the last of the fireworks. He changed his grip to where he was holding on tightly to each of Dean’s shoulder blades, but had pulled his own upper torso back a little so he could look up fully into Dean’s pain stricken face. “Don’t deny us this, please.”

The last was a full on beg.  He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what to say, he just was so full of need.

Sam’s heart began to hurt.  Dean wouldn’t look him in the eyes 

“Dean I wake up every day wanting you, I have tried to fight it, and God knows you have.”

Dean huffed out an exasperated sound, partly a laugh, partially a sob.

“I know a thousand reasons you want to say this is wrong, Dean.”

“Yeah Sammy that’s it exactly.” Dean’s voice was pained as if he had been screaming for hours.

 “Then look me in the eyes and tell me that this doesn’t feel right.”  Desperation danced with anger in his voice, as it broke at the end.

Sam moved one of his small hands over Dean’s heart, and then ground his crotch against Dean’s leg.

Dean’s head fell backwards and a groan sounded low in his throat.

Sam thought he almost had him, but then he felt Dean straighten his backbone and harden his resolve.

“You are too young Sammy, I can’t take advantage of you like that.”

“You didn’t deny that this feels right to you.” Sam said in quiet exasperation.

“Waddaya want me to say Sam?  Yes I want you, I need you with every bit of myself, but you are a kid.  I can’t.”

“Dean, you went on your first hunt when you were younger than me. You made out with tons of girls when you were my age.”

“Yeah Sam, but those girls were my age.”  Sam rolled his eyes at Dean.

“And you’re my kid brother.  I’m supposed to take care of you, not take advantage of you.”

Sam rubbed his dick against Dean’s leg again.  “In case you hadn’t noticed Dean, I’m begging for it.”

That earned him an exasperated laugh from his older brother.

“Yeah, I kinda noticed.”

Dean bent his neck and rested his forehead on Sam’s.  His shoulders slumped.

“God Sammy, I don’t know what to do.”

Sam changed positions, snuggling further into the leather jacket and wormed his head up under Dean’s chin, resting it over his heart again.

“Just hold me Dean, can you do that.”

Deans arms wrapped strongly around Sam’s shoulders. “Yeah Sammy, I can do that.”

They stayed like that, breathing in deeply of each other.  Heartbeats syncing up.  Soon Dean’s shoulders began to relax and let go.  He began to rock them back and forth a little.

He began to rub the side of his face back and forth against Sam’s silky hair, reveling in the feel of it against his teenage stubble.

Sam knew Dean thought of himself as a man.  He fought monsters like a man.  He brought in more money than their dad most days with his after school jobs at local garages.  But Sam knew Dean was just a boy at heart.  Being forced to grow up too fast, with too much responsibility and not enough love.  Sam’s heart overflowed for his brother.  He didn’t want him to hurt over this.  He didn’t want to force him to break his own code of ethics. 

Sam began to cry silently against Dean.  For all that Dean suffered in silence, for all the pain he had endured, and all the weight John had forced on his shoulders. Sam wept.

“Don’t cry Sammy, I’ve got you.” Dean whispered against the top of his head.

Sam moved his hands up around Dean’s neck and pulled back enough from the embrace to be able to look up at Dean. 

His emerald eyes were glassy in the moonlight, making Sam realize that Dean had been tearing up too.

“Dean, the problem is that I want you to know I’ve got you too.”

Dean swallowed hard around the lump in his throat.  He didn’t know what to say.  His heart ached.  He had had no idea Sam knew he was hot for his brother, and he sure hadn’t known that Sam wanted him in return.  It changed everything, but he knew it shouldn’t.  He had never felt so lost in his life and yet his heart was still beating in time with that of his brother’s, he could feel it.

His eyes searched Sam’s face, looking for some kind of answer to the dilemma.  Sam’s skin was alabaster smooth and as Dean watched, his cheeks blushed in the pale light of the waning moon. That small change, was all it took to make his undoing.

He lowered his face to Sam’s, brushing his lips against the petal perfect pink of his brother’s.  They were as soft as he had dreamed they would be.  The move caused a gasp from Sam and Dean lost all hope of stopping and doing the right thing as his tongue found his brother’s for the first time.  

**Author's Note:**

> I rewrote the second half three times before I came up with something I could live with. I am still not sure I am completely happy with the way it turned out. The scene in Dean's heaven is so beautiful, I don't know that anything I write could ever do it justice but I hope you enjoyed my take on it in spite of that.


End file.
